The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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