My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
