dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
