there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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