I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
