i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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