If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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