i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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