he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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