I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My dick has a subreddit
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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