i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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