I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
