you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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