I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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