There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
