So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
