How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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