did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
