I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
