Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
