i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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