If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
