You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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