I am puke
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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