There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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