Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
