She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
