he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
