once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
