Midget sex pt 2 tonight
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
