how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
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