Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
