Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
