We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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