So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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