Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize