I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
