accomplished twins. life is a go
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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