Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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