What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
