Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
