I showed him my bush... on skype.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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