i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
