I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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