I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
