It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
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I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
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Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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