It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
