You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
