I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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