You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
