you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
