No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
