he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
