Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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