i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
that's an acceptable place to lick
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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