....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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