Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
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She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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