I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
