Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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