her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
