God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Sex in the backyard? Check.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
