It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
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im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
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Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So much Jack, so little girl.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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